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Light the Way


Posted on 2009.04.24 at 20:13
I've given this much thought.

I don't use this journal anymore.

Melodrama on why not to expect updates here anymore.Collapse )

White Vash

Should I Even Keep This Journal?

Posted on 2009.02.20 at 23:59
I hardly post here anymore.

I never visit my Friends page or the journals of my LJ friends anymore.

I've posted replies at LJ fandom communities here and there, but as said in an earlier entry, those places generally suck for me. It seems that people are always looking at me to slip up, looking for bad behavior or for me to mention something from fandom past/drama. It seems that stuff is noted and remembered more than any of the "good" stuff I say (I am glad that I could give someone some writing advice recently and it was well-received on the community). I'm not saying I don't mention stuff from the past. To me, making a mention on a pertenient fandom topic of "I'm turned off of this because of this/that/the other thing that happened and/or person I once knew" is the same as me saying on a thread about climates "Oh, I know what high summer in a desert is like, I grew up in Arizona."

I have not run from my name/online handle. I've kept it (and its root) for years. There's no point in hiding when I screw up, it's just annoying when I do/when it is remembered/gets mentioned. What's weird is that I focus on this when, most of the places I go to online, people seem to like me. I'm feeling very at home so far in my latest fandom. Then again, those places where I get along with people well aren't on LiveJournal. *Shrug.*

It's just.... I hardly ever use this place as a journal anymore. Most of my random thoughts lately (typically on art and philosophy) go on my Deviant Art journal. I've written off most LiveJournal fandom communties and I wouldn't be tempted to make occasional visits and comments on any of them anymore if I did not have this journal available. Sometimes, even after I tell myself "There are people there who do not like you / There are people there who still label you for stuff you did and opinions you had years ago that you no longer have / no one there wants your current opinion" I still find myself commenting. I really shouldn't.

Then, I also figure I could drop dead and there'd still be people complaining about what an annoying person I *AM.* It really doesn't matter what I do, people whom, at one time or another, didn't like me will probably continue to complain about me, whatever I'm doing or not doing, saying or not saying.

I like having my "name" taken on LJ and to have this to come back to if I want to make some kind of deeply personal rant.

On one hand, I can keep my name and journal here and have it avaiable for the once-in-a-blue-moon entry and just fight the temptation to go to the places I'm not wanted, or I can just kill the thing because it hardly ever sees use anyway.


It is a dilemma.

No Pants

Had to Share

Posted on 2008.12.02 at 23:54
Tags: ,
Optimus Prime!
Which Colossal Death Robot Are You?
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

Vash's Scars

I Think I'm Done.

Posted on 2008.10.17 at 20:34
Tags: ,
I think I'm done with LJ. Maybe not my personal journal here, though I hardly ever post to it anymore...

It's just, LJ fandom, I guess. My main interests (besides occasional serious pursuits, such as job hunting) online tend to be Fandom/Fictions I like and art. I haven't been on any of the communities I used to go to in a long while.

I've pretty much found that fandom communities on LJ, for me... suck. For the most part, they just do. All the coms where I've found the people to be generally pleasant are largely dead. The very active fandom coms seem to breed the "cooler than thou bitchkitty" mentality. I suppose you could say that for any active online board/community, but it's weird - I've found active board-based coms that *are* actually full of nice people, while LJ.... something about LJ seems to breed bitchiness and superiority complexes in people?

That's probably not entirely true, your results my vary, it's just, for me... I've been off the LJ fandom coms for months and I actually find that I don't miss them. I've not been in an online fight with anyone in a long time, so, I think maybe my peace lies in staying away from LJ. *Shrug*


Proud Flesh-Eater and Other Thoughts.

Posted on 2008.09.22 at 00:34
You know, something that's been on my mind, is actually on my mind a lot, but when I come across some vegitarian rant on the Internet, whether it's a message board or whatever, or even just thinking about fantasy and science fiction concepts about the nature of seintience and life...

I guess I realize how bloody I am?

I know I was thinking about it when I was coding my new website, explaining how I get the bones, and my relationship to animals. I love living animals, and that's maybe, a little difficult to convey to people who see my art - I get my raw materials from walks in the woods, I just find them, and the way I find some of my skulls, out of the blue, makes me think the animals *want* to be recycled.

I was also talking to a friend the other night on AIM about my childhood - it just made sense to her that my art is the way it is now because I was immersed in death as a child! You see, I grew up with a butcher for a father. When I was very young, my family even raised its own food-animals. I'd thought of becoming a vegitarian for a while, when I was 9, but that's pretty hard with a butcher father. I also grew up with hunter uncles, one of whom took care of my grandmother. Whenever I stayed over at my grandmother's, I'd sleep in the living room, among glass-eyed, taxidermy heads. The javelinas were especially memorable, as well as this clock made with a stag skull (that I used to be afraid of, but I *want* now).

I mean, I see death as a part of nature, predation especially so. Animals eat other animals, and we humans, for all our brains, are just a part of the food chain. I actually regret that I don't know how to hunt. It is a skill I would be willing to learn, say, if I ever live that silly on and off dream of mine of moving to Alaska, or if the collapse of civilization that I'm awaiting happens and I need to fend for myself and loved ones out in the woods. As it is, I fish, and I do kill and clean my own catch when I fish.

And I feel like I need to respect the fish. I feel like I need to respect the life of any animal I'm eating, but I will eat, without guilt, and feel a part of nature. And if something eats me someday, so be it.

I guess I'm just saying, I've thought of these things. A lot of people eat meat because it's what they've always done, and they don't think much of it, but me, I eat it, and I say "Hey, I'm proud of my predation." I've actually thought about it.

And, at least when it comes to fish, I'm a proud killer. I can't say I'm anything less.

But when people send their burger back at a fast food resturant because "Hey! I don't like pickles!" I want to scream at them "Pick off the damn pickles and eat the meat, a cow died for that!"

Knowing beforehand that you wouldn't fail, what would you attempt to do?

I would create a perfect government - a system that afforded people true equality and create a place with "no wars and no stealing" to quote a certain anime character I love. If I absoultely could not fail - it would give me that kind of ambition.

I've been reading a spot of fanfiction lately, not always leaving reviews - I leave reviews rarely, but, most of the time, they're meaningful.

Now, fanfiction.net is the "quick n' dirty" way to seek out fanfics, and really, not everything on there is bad, I've found quite a few good stories. I still post there on the occaision that I write a fanfic.

Every section has it's own filters. The Trigun section doesn't have a character filters, nor does it have an anime / manga base filter. It only has the genre and ratings filters like everything else. It is a largely ignored section.

The Legend of Zelda section, on the other hand, as a lengthy character filter (with no characters specific to Twilight Princess yet, sadly. I have to work a little to look up Midna stories). There's no game filters, though there really should be since there are a bajillion games in the series and they're all different, sometimes I'm in the mood to read one game-world over another and some of them I haven't even played...

I'm too shy and apathetic to bother the fanfiction.net mods about this, too, but I digress...

I think what that site needs... the ENTIRE site needs are genre filters for "High School AU" and "Songfic." I'D LOVE TO AVOID THEM BOTH. I admit that I have seen a *few* good songfics out there, but generally, if you base your story on a song, I want to run for the hills - goes double, nay TRIPLE if half the fic or more consists of a copy-pasted song. There are so many U2 songs I imagined Trigun scenes and/or Vash's thought's set to, and I'm still shrugging and wondering why no one's made an LoZ: TP video to ElO's "Twilight," but I don't write fics for those daydreams. I'd make AMVs if I had the software and paitience, but as it is, I don't subject people to things that WOULD MAKE BETTER AMVS THAN WRITING.

And High School AU, ugh... Listen - most of the high school movies and original stories out there never reflected my own high school experience. Breakfast Club? Don't make me laugh. I don't want to read about characters who aren't in high school in their canons being thrust and mushed beyond recognition into sterotypical roles. Maybe your high school experience actually is like the stereotypes? Mine wasn't. I cannot relate. So, maybe I was a touch like that weird girl drawing in the corner in The Breakfast Club, but it wasn't even really like that, and what I did experience, I've long grown past.

I'm not knocking people who like songfics and High School AUs... you're free to like whatever you like. Sometimes, I just wish there were filter categories so people can find what they like if they like those things and I can AVOID THEM. I get irked even reading the summaries for these things, so it would be a good thing if I could just filter them out of sight.

White Vash

Otakon 2008

Posted on 2008.08.10 at 19:54
Current Mood: draineddrained
Tags: , , ,
Alright, I just got back from Otakon and am running on not enough sleep and general exhaustion. This is merely a record of my personal journey, for anyone who wants to read it (all 1 of you?) and I ask that any misspellings or odd sentence structure be forgiven - at least until I have time to get some sleep and edit this.

A record of my losses and gains.Collapse )


A short fanfic... LoZ.

Posted on 2008.07.13 at 01:33
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
Tags: , , , ,
I was going to put this up on my Deviant Art page, but with DA's latest "user friendly" (my glorious golden ass!) upgrade, it seems I'd have to have a preview image at the ready and I just don't want to make one for this very short fic. Why does every upgrade they do make things more complicated and obnoxious? It's bad enough that, after their last upgrade, I've been fecking confused as to what category to put my bone art in. The former category of "Miscellaneous" worked PERFECTLY, then they had to get rid of it and most of my work is currently miscategorized as a result. I *can't wait* to see what happens with this new upgrade when I want to display a new painted deer skull. Oi.

Anyway, I've been playing Twilight Princess waaaay too much. I had an idea for a short fanfic and went for it. It is for the reading if anyone is interested, though I know hardly anyone ever reads my journal, anyway.

Link to a tale of LinkCollapse )

Comments appreciated.


Obligatory Birthday Post.

Posted on 2008.07.08 at 23:27
Current Mood: happyhappy
My birthday was on the 7th.  It was pretty good, didn't get out of bed until the afternoon, hung around the house until ArkNorth came home from work.  We ate at Outback Steakhouse because I was craving overpriced steak and we set off fireworks in the backyard.  Should have gotten more... fireworks tents are gone now and we have nothing for New Year's.  We went manaically pyro for the 4th (as much as Pennsylvania allows).  Since last year, I've made a bit of a tradition of having some kind of fireworks for my birthday - call it making up for all those years in Arizona (where even sparklers cannot be sold due to brush and forest fire danger, a dry country doesn't mean there's nothing growing).  

I got some cool gifts.  Mom and Dad sent me a card and some money, and AN got me some awesome stuff. The laptop I am typing on now was one of the gifts (received about a month early).  He got me the second volume of the "The Twelve Kingdsoms" light novel series and this really interesting color short manga collection titled "Robot" -- it's an anthology by several artists/authors, including a piece by Yoshitoshi ABe of "Haibane Renmei" fame.  I've only read a few of the comics in there - is very eclectic, most of the shorts are surreal in nature, but there seems to be everything from the disturbingly gorey/erotic to stuff that could have come out of a childrens' storybook.  

And of course... the CUBE.  Slagpit came over for 4th of July and he brought his GameCube and the copy of "The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess" that he got for it.  Seeing how in love I fell with the game, AN surprised me for my birthday with... you guessed it, a GameCube and TP.  I believe he was able to get a Cube cheaper than a Wii, plus there's less danger of him coming home to find the game controller sticking out of the broken screen of the television.  Knowing how frickin' clutzy I am, a teathered button-controller is best.  

Oh, Slag, if you are reading this, feel free to erase my file on your game if you want - I'm already past that point on my own.  Oh, and I finally learned how to throw those frickin bomb-spiders myself.  Today. Whew! 

So, just letting my AIM friends and buds on Trinut and such know... if you don't see me for a while, I'm in front of the televison, doing my best to save Hyrule.  Addictive? Yes... 

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